Rumpelstiltskin: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Emma!

Emma: Missed doing that did you?

Rumpelstiltskin: You have NO idea.

 *Sort of missed it too but doesn’t want Rumpelstiltskin to know it*

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Ruby: It’s not easy being married to Jefferson, alright? Sure he’s sweet and adorable in a…unsettling EXTREMELY creepy way but His room’s ceiling and walls are made entirely out of mirrors!

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

King George: So…your friends…who love you….wouldn’t want something BAD and UNSETTLING to happen to them because of you…would we?

Charming: *Is oblivious*

King George: I’m twirling my invisible mustache now.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Ruby: The wolf killed him! It was MMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *Chokes* *Coughs* *Wheezes* *Breathes in* EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Jefferson: *Is in love* I told you once that I accept your wolf side, Ruby. You’re ability to have your family and love interests die around you is a small price to pay for our future children being as pretty and awesome as I plan them to be. Also because you make me extremely happy. 

Red: *Shy Giggles*

Jefferson: *Shy Giggles*


0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Charming: I shall guard this necklace with my life!

*Is obliviously happy*

Rumpelstiltskin: Twenty bucks says breaking that necklace the first thing he does.

Regina: Double or nothing says he does it in the first ten minutes.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Granny: Aw, so you’re dating other women to make me jealous, are you?

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh Granny, the love we share together will NEVER be replaced.

Rumpelstiltskin: *Actual Dialogue* I have a complicated relationship with her….as I do most people *Not actual dialogue* And by ‘people’, I mean women.  

Author: I KNEW IT!

Belle: *Is not amused* What do you mean by ‘complicated’

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh there was going to dating, seduction…lots of nudity…

Rumpelstiltskin: And ketchup was DEFINITELY going to be involved.

Belle: *Is almost seduced* Oh….my!

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Snow: NO ONE MOVE! This thing is talking to me!

Emma: Uh….you talk to birds? How come we can’t just use your animal influence to spy on Cora?

Snow: I’m fluent in ALL animal languages! It was taught at the castle!

Emma: *Is EXTREMELY glad she missed out on her princess childhood*  

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Rumpelstiltskin: Once upon a time there was this magically sexy better-than-everyone imp that no one understood and they tricked the poor sweet misunderstood imp and put him in a cell to rot because SOMEONE…not saying who (Cinderella) couldn’t read a contract. And so the poor sweet-

Regina: *Is exasperated*   

Charming: You were a manipulative jerk who played puppet master, Rumpelstiltskin.

Rumpelstiltskin: Shut up, Charming! YOU’RE not telling the story!

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Regina: It’s time for your daily torture of me smirking Belle! Oh….sorry Belle, I didn’t know you had SMEXY company!

Hook: *Is annoyed* Fetch me a brush; we are going to do SOMETHING about your hair.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Aurora: So…someone had a crush….

*Good to know that Rumpelstiltskin took the time to make the squiggles all pretty*

Emma: Dear heaven…Rumpel’s a preteen GIRL!

Cora: You reached into my chest and tried to pull out my heart! This, in Wonderland law, makes us mated for life!

Hook: NOOOOOOOOOO!